Question of the Month

Ask J - August, 2007

Question: J, I am having a problem with finding the right way to forgive - M. Andrews  Vancouver, BC

Answer: Forgiveness is really about how you want your life to move forward. As a rule, holding hurtful angers of the past is not only unhealthy for the person whom you hold accountable for a wrong but can also be detrimental to your health and well-being. Forgiveness comes easiest when you understand that no one can ever hurt you or make you angry. People act and you react. Between the act or stimulus and your reaction is the time that you decide how to react. If you choose hurt, anger, or love; that will be you response. So unless you choose not allow people's action to trigger the automatic response of hurt, you will never feel hurt.

In order for you to have a successful and prosperous life, forgiveness is a must. I recommend that you write a letter to the person or people that you feel have wronged you. Write out, in detail, exactly what the offense was and how the hurt affected you. Then forgive them even if at first, you don’t want to. Remember forgiveness is a gift to you.

Congratulations, you have just taken an active role in healing your hurts. After all, anger is masked hurt and masked fear. Now that you have your thoughts on paper, seal the letter. You do not need to mail anything; soon, you will begin to release the anger and move towards a happier life. Take some time to reflect on how the offense has managed to bring out some of your positive qualities of character that may not have developed without the obstacles such as patience,  strength, perseverance,  honesty towards others, or gentleness.

Finally, write a brief apology to those whom you may have wronged in the past. True success in life comes from learning to respect ourselves, others, and our relationships.



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