Question of the Month
Ask J - March, 2009
Question: I feel my life has lost meaning... I wasn't sure whether to try and find someone to talk to since I feel like such a failure and I'm afraid of being judged.
You see I am in my mid twenties. I started going to college a couple of years ago and I have a great supportive family that lets me live my life the way I want. The problem is, I feel like I'm not doing such a great job at that.
The thing is, I have never had a job. I took some time off after high school and then I focused on college. I also don't have my drivers license, I don't have a boyfriend and never had one before. I don't really have friends anymore since the end of college.
I feel like I've wasted so many years putting things off. I dont know why but I'm scared to experience new things, and at the same time I want to experience new things. How do I get control of my fear of trying new things?
Sometimes, I feel so foolish for being my age and being so behind everyone else. I've been applying to different places to get a job but with the economy being how it is, I can't seem to find employment anymore (not even in a fast food place).
I am trying to take control of my life but I just feel like a failure and I am so unhappy. I dont even know where to start I'm just so tired of feeling like a failure and feeling unhappy. is there any advice you could give me?
Annette G., Atlanta, GA
Answer: Hello Annette,
Please understand that we are all here to help one another. As I expect not to be judged, I would never stand in judgement of you. Your expectation should be so as well.
Relax into your life. You are too hard on yourself. It's like you are swimming upstream against the tide. What life is teaching you is that in order for things to work out for you, you must turn around and go with the flow.
What does that mean? You stated that you don't have a boyfriend. Do you have the capacity to love someone now particularly the way you are feeling about yourself? Now is the time to love yourself fully. Once you do that you will attract the right person for you. If someone was to show up now, they would only be there to confirm the issues you are experiencing now and add to it.
There is nothing wrong with being afraid. Don't spend time trying to remove fear. Instead, spend the time building up your courage. Fear is a biological response to a stimulus. Embrace it but have the courage to move forward despite it.
The economy has little to do with your personal success. Your job right now is to re-focus your attention on you. Who are you? What do you like? What are your dreams?
It seems obvious to me that you are not to live a life in mediocrity. There is greatness flowing through you. You are in your cocoon, just waiting to become that beautiful butterfly. You have to be patient. Soon the time will come for you to spread your wings and fly.