A letter from Liz

Quite often the words of another can more eloquently explain exactly what you are thinking. Below you will find some thoughts shared by one of the contributors to this site. I met Liz in a training class and have been captivated ever since. Please enjoy this note from Liz.

J,

As always, it’s so good to hear from you and your email timely. I’m finally home in Alb. for two days after being in Palo for a solid month working my ass off. I was reading your article on fear and it so applies to what I’m faced with on this project I’m working on. In keeping with your advice, I’m writing about it and it might also help not to internalize so much.

I’ve once again been pondering life’s challenges and keep asking myself, “Why does life have to be so hard”? I left the security of working for a company to do consulting on a major project for a high profile client and while I never expected the project to be a walk in the park, the politics and unreasonable deadlines imposed by clueless leaders find me second guessing myself. I keep asking myself a series of questions like “Am I in over my head?  Why is that not what I understood from the last meeting?  Was this not communicated to me or is it my mistake”, and the list goes on and on.

I was mortified last week to realize that I’ve gone from being a shining star to feeling like a complete moron. Friday, prior to my departure home, I found that I couldn’t even draft a simple email to my new project manger. After having worked 13 hour days for the last four weeks, my brain was fried and I was in a fog. I had also noticed that I wasn’t breathing and would catch myself holding my breath. By the way, the reason a “new” project manager has been assigned to this project is because the last one was ousted for speaking up and telling the truth about the unrealistic imposed deadline. Of course one of the executives at the top needed a scapegoat to delay the project and the “good guy” took the fall. Nothing new...right?

I guess it’s no wonder so many people keep their mouths shut but I still wonder how they sleep at night. I see fear all around me. People play it safe to maintain what they consider to be a “blanket of security” and in my opinion there wouldn’t be anything wrong with that if it didn’t affect other people, but it does and in more ways than one. That veil of deception bleeds down to good people who are just trying to do their jobs, but because their leaders lack the integrity and strength to do what’s right, the well intentioned employee’s hands are tied.

It’s no wonder people are stressed, sick and angry. Sadly, those who choose to believe in that “blanket of security” often find themselves in shock when they fall victim to someone else’s decision and that security disappears. Only then do they realize that it was just an illusion.

I was reminded last night after skimming through pages of Wayne Dyers book, “Your Erroneous Zones”, that so much of our self doubt is also an illusion. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t take responsibility for our mistakes or try to improve ourselves; however, during these dark moments when we are consumed with doubt and questioning our abilities, we also need to be reminded that perfection is an illusion.  Like job security, there is no such thing. 

I thought more about my current work situation and tried to discern how much responsibility for the chaos is mine and how much was political and out of my control. This exercise helped me realize that unknowingly, I was assuming more responsibility than was deserved. Yes, I was that woman on the front page of your newsletter J. I was carrying the weight of world on my shoulders.

I also realize that I have two choices, I can continue to beat myself up and take responsibility for things that are out of my control or I can do the best that I can and remind myself everyday of these two simple things:

1. I’m human and there is no such thing as perfection.  My self worth should never be measured based on someone else’s perception.  That too is an illusion. What’s more, more often than not, people who “act” as though they know all the answers… don’t. They have a way of convincing the people around them that they do because they are typically not questioned or challenged.

2. So, what will you do when you’re consumed with self-doubt and feel as though this is your darkest moment? As for me, I plan to keep reading your inspiring words J. In this world filled with deception and influence from the media, religious groups, politicians to name a few, I need to constantly be reminded of what’s “REAL”. For me it’s this:

Reach for the stars. Never ever let anyone convince you that you’re dreams are unattainable.
Excellence is what we define it as for ourselves and not based on someone else’s definition.
Author your own life. Don’t let someone else write and control the script.
Let go of the lie (other people’s perceptions). What they believe doesn’t make it true.

I too have my own perceptions so how do I know that my motives are right? How can I ensure that I’m being rational?  Well, I don’t.  However after years of lessons learned from mistakes that I’ve made, I strongly believe that if we always Do The Right Thing that the universe rewards us.

Now that I’m older and wiser, doing the right thing has become much easier. When struggling with certain decision, I now stop, take a few breaths and ask myself a few simple questions:

Am I intentionally trying to hurt someone?
Am I doing this for personal gain at the expense of someone else?
How would I feel if I was on the receiving end of this?
Am I a better person today than I was yesterday?

Here’s an example we can all relate to. You’re at the checkout counter at the store. The cashier makes a mistake and forgets to scan one of your items or maybe the cashier gives you more change than you have coming. Do you do the right thing and say something or do you have that dialogue with yourself justifying your reason for keeping quiet. Oh yes, I remember doing that a time or two during my youth and I cringe when I think about it now knowing that the mistake was probably docked from the cashiers paycheck.

Will we always make the right decisions? Of course not because again, perfection is not reality but if we can go to bed every night knowing that we did our best to do the right thing, it’s easier to let the rest go. The false perceptions belong to someone else and have nothing to do with us. This is what grounds us and makes us strong so that we’re not so easily influenced or devastated by the actions or words of others.

And me…I can breathe again.

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